Liquor and Makeovers
by justastudent996
Summary: It started with a mess on the carpet, it ends with two traumatized teens in the bathroom Please R/R
1. Hayffie gets drunk

**Okay, what on earth did I eat/drink/inhale that made me thought of this -_- I don't really know if this is a crackfic but I really have to get this out of my head. I should also inform you that this is extremely non-canon**

**note: Hayffie is hinted**

**disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games series**

* * *

"HAYMITCH ABERNATHY!" Effie yelled as she called for the drunk. Haymitch has left another mess in their penthouse suite once again. Effie cannot fathom the idea of Katniss, Peeta or anyone else for that matter to see the mess of vomit, broken bottles and liquor that was stained into the expensive carpet.

"Wha-What is it sweetheart? Can't we get a little quiet time?" Haymitch stumbled out of his room and dragged himself to face Effie's wrath.

"What is the meaning of this?" Effie said as she pointed to the disgusting part of the ground.

"Oh, that..." Haymitch grumbled under his breath. He would rather sleep or drink more liquor than be lectured on cleanliness.

"Yes, that. Why is there a mess here?" She asked again.

"Obviously, I got drunk, broke a few bottles and puked. Does that help?" he said with a smirk. There are four things that Haymitch Abernathy loves to do: one-drinking alcohol, two-get drunk, three-sleep, and four-annoy the crap out of Effie.

Effie facepalmed herself then gave another scowl. There are four things that pisses Effie Trinket off: one-messes, two-bad manners, three-tardiness and four-Haymitch annoying the crap out of her. "That's not what I mean... Just go clean that up before the kids show up okay?"

"Nah, let the avox do it." he replied sleepily.

"You really don't value cleanliness do you?" Effie placed her hands on her waist then she glared at Haymitch for the millionth time that day.

"You know what else I don't value; that gunk you place on your face, those strange clothes and especially that stupid wig!"

Effie gasped in shock. In her mind no person; no matter how drunk would not appreciate her style. "Why I never! You really don't have a fashion sense do you?"

"No,_ you really don't have a fashion sense." _he replied as he tried to mimic her Capitol accent.

"Well, do you want to know what I think of those substances that you love to drink so much?"

"Okay, What do you think of the _substances that I love to drink so much."_ he mimicked again.

"It's horrendous, disgusting, appalling, atrocious and gruesome. It's nothing but putrid plant juices! That made you make this mess. Even I can hold alcohol better than you do!" She exclaimed.

Haymitched looked at her with amusement due to an idea playing on his mind "How about a bet then?"he smirked.

"A bet?" she raised an eyebrow. She tried to study Haymitch's reactions, to see if he was planning something foul.

"Yeah, let's have a drinking contest."

"No way. I refuse to drink that."

"You said you can hold your alcohol better, didn't ya?"

"Yes, and so what are you implying?" Effie didn't like where this is going. She knows that Haymitch is planning something that is less than ideal.

"I'm implying that you prove it." He smirked again.

"Okay but on one condition."

"What?"

"After we're done drinking, I get to dress you up."

"Woman, are you going to make me your barbie doll?"

"I might" Effie smirked.

"Fine, but we will drink first." Haymitch agreed, hoping that drunk Effie will forget about the second part of their deal.

* * *

Two hours later Katniss and Peeta arrived from their training.

"Oh, Welcome back you two! How do you like my dress? It's from Effie's wardrobe." Haymitch spun around so that the two teenagers can see the whole of his outfit. It was a pink floral dress with a plunging neckline and a balloon skirt. He was also wearing a light pink wig with a golden flower on it and extra high-heeled shoes. His face was caked in foundation that was placed on so generously that small bits of it falls down from his facial hair.

The two just stood their with their mouths agape.

"Oh my gosh! Aren't I gorgeous? I feel just like Ms. Universe!" he said as he gave out a sexy pose. The two tried not to gag.

"You tell em sweetheart!" cheered Effie. The two teenagers then glanced at their escort only to be met with a drunk mess. Her make up is smudged, her wig is tilted to the side and her clothes were wrinkled and filthy.

"Ummm What happened here?" Peeta asks.

"Nothing much. C'mon you two chillax and have a drink." replied Effie as she took a swig of booze. The two were reluctant to join her but they were more afraid of Haymitch than Effie so they took their seat there.

"Oh my gosh Katniss!" exclaimed Haymitch all of a sudden."

"Why?"

"Call, the fashion police! Someone needs a makeover!" he squealed with happiness.

"uh, I'll pass." she replied.

"Oh no no no no no! You must get a make over now. C'mon, I'll make you the second prettiest girl in the world-second to me of course." he then happily dragged Katniss inside Effie's room. She was able to utter a help to Peeta before she was forced to enter the room.

Peeta immediately got up from his chair and started walking to the room where Katniss was held "captive" but Effie called after him.

"Where do you think you're going handsome?" She said flirtatiously. Peeta turned around pointed at him while giving her a questioning look. Effie just nodded and batted her eyelashes.

"Well, I have t-to... go and save Katniss?" he said, unsure of what he is really going to do there.

"Katniss can wait... There's an even hotter woman in front of you right?" She moved closer to him then she she placed one hand on his shoulder while the other one draws circles on his chest.

"I think Katniss is calling me..."

"You like older women don't you Peeta? I can be your sugar mama if you like."

"I really need to go..."

"Why the rush sweetheart? Let's party first, go on grab a bottle of booze." She moved her face closer to his then she smiled lustfully.

Peeta swallowed hard and gently unwrapped Effie's hands from his body but as soon as he lets go of her arms she quickly places them on his shoulder then she holds him in a tight embrace.

"Oh no! You're not getting away from me hot stuff!"

"I want my mommy..." whispered Peeta.

* * *

_ meanwhile..._

Haymitch locked the door before Katniss could get any help from the ouside world

"Okay sistah! I'll apply some make up to your face first. Oh my gosh! Look at this shade of foundation, it's just your color!" he squealed in delight.

"I'll pass on the make up..."

"Katniss dearie, one must never pass off the make up. As your mentor it is my responsibility to make sure you're the prettiest girl in the arena."

"Shouldn't you be giving survival tips and not beauty tips." Katniss stated

"Katniss Katniss Katniss, they will be so enamored by your beauty that they will not want to kill you and besides you can use this as a weapon. Beauty is deadly." Haymitch reasoned out.

"Still, no thank you..."

"Oh c'mon I promise that you'll love it." Haymitch, with the make up in hand moved closer to Katnisss.

"NOOOOOO! Stay away from me you freak!" Haymitch cornered her then he generously applied the make up to her face.

*moments later*

"Oh my gosh! You're so gorgeous. Check it!" Haymitch said as he positioned a mirror in front of Katniss. By the sight of her own reflection Katniss screamed in fright!

"Wha-What have you done to me! I look like a clown!" exclaimed Katniss.

"Clown? Then you're a beautiful clown." he reasoned.

"PEETA! EFFIE! HELP!" she screamed as she starts struggles with the lock.

Peeta who was on the other side was banging at the door, begging to be let in.

"KATNISS! HAYMITCH! PLEASE! HAVE MERCY!"

Katniss then managed to get the door loose then the two terrified teenagers headed to the nearest safe room- their penthouse's public bathroom. They shut the door and locked the two crazies out.

"Katniss, what happened to you? You look like Joker from The Dark Knight."

"What about you? You looked like you've been smothered."

"I really don't want to talk about it!" he shudders.

The two then heard noises coming from the outside.

"Did you hear that?" Katniss asked.

"Yeah, it sounds like..." Peeta's eyes grew into the sizes of dinner plates as realization hits him.

"Sounds like what? I can barely hear it. It's faint."

"Let's just try to ignore it... You really don't want to know..." he shuddered again.

"Oh so you mean?" she asked.

Peeta just nodded then they both shuddered.

* * *

The next morning Haymitch and Effie woke up with a massive hangover. Their clothes were disheveled and dirty. The whole place was dirty.

"What happened here?" Effie exclaimed.

"The better question is why am I wearing your clothes." Haymitch stated.

"Haymitch, what did you do to my dress? It's atrocious! but I must agree that goes well with your eyes..."

"Yeah, sure, whatever princess... So where are the kids?"

"They're probably here somewhere..."

The two looked around the place. They then opened the bathroom door and saw two terrified teenagers.

"STAY AWAY FROM US FOUL DEMONS!" exclaimed Katniss.

"Please just kill us or send us now to the arena just please no more... No more!"

Haymitch and Effie then gave a confused glance at each other.

* * *

**What substance was in our water system that made me write this down? I better get samples and send them for testing...**


	2. Peeniss gets drunk

**By request I decided to make this a two-shot. Anyways, the contaminated water still hasn't left my system (I actually drank some more) and I saw my father in his undies (very traumatizing) so I decided to put the adverse effects to good use. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the hunger games series**

**note: the italicized parts will talk about the video**

* * *

After the entire place has been cleaned up, team mockingjay gathered around the table to have breakfast. Peeta and Katniss sat in the chairs farthest from Effie and Haymitch. The two are still traumatized from yesterday's encounter.

"You two are awfully quiet this morning. Is something the matter?" Effie asks with concern in her tone.

"Don't talk to me... Stay away from me... i want my mommy..." Peeta whispered with fear.

"Peeta are you alright? Maybe you're sick." said Effie as she reached out her hand to feel Peeta's temperature.

"AAAAHHHHHH! Touch of the Devil! It will burn me! Stay away from me succubus, I feel no temptation from your sexual endeavors, ONLY DISGUST! ONLY DISGUST!" Peeta exclaimed just before he rushed out of the dining area and into the bathroom (his sanctuary)...

Haymitch tried to stifle a laugh, Katniss grew more of her own situation for she is dining with the "devils". Effie just stood there dumbfounded, shocked by Peeta's actions and speech.

"That boy is nuts! I wonder where he got the idea that Effie is a seductive sex-crazed demon. Hey, maybe he's right..." Haymitch smirked. Effie glared at him. She's obviously more concerned than amused by Peeta's reactions.

Haymitch then turned to Katniss and asked her about her upcomming interview.

"So sweetheart, have you been practicing? The interview is comming soon you know..." Katniss neither answered nor looked up at her mentor, she just continued to play with her bacon and eggs.

"Uhhh Katniss, you okay?" he asked.

"NO NO NO NO! I hate clowns! I don't want to look like one- I don't want to be one! They eat children! I don't want to eat children! Prim stay away from me! I might eat you!" She said before she ran crying to the bathroom (her sanctuary).

Now both Haymitch and Effie stood in shock for both of the tributes ran from them.

"It must be from last night Haymitch. That would explain it." Effie stated.

"But I don't remember anything from last night. We were drunk."

"Exactly. Listen, there's a hidden camera in this very room, we can go to security and ask them for the footage."

"Not to burst your bubble but are we even allowed to see those videos?" Haymitch asked.

"I don't really know but it is worth a try."

* * *

_An hour later..._

Katniss gently opened then she glanced around the now-empty penthouse. "Hey Peeta, I think they're gone." They both got out then they breathe a sigh of relief.

"We must be careful Katniss, She-devil and Gay Cross-dresser could return in any moment." Peeta stated. Katniss didn't answer, she was too deep in her thoughts.

"What are you thinking about Katniss?" Peeta raised an eyebrow.

"What could've made them act like that?" Katniss asks.

"I blame it on the makeup and alcohol."

"Remind me never to touch the stuff..." Katniss shivers.

"Great, now I'm curious. Let's have a drinking contest!" Peeta exclaimed.

"Okay, that sounds awesome! Makeovers afterwards!" Katniss agreed-forgetting her first statement -_-

"Ooooh that sounds supertastic! Girl power!"

* * *

_meanwhile..._

_"_Can we please see the security video for the topmost floor." Effie requested from the security personnel.

"Oh, you two want a good laugh as well... ahehehehe... Okay, but don't tell anyone I let you see this." Effie and Haymitch were both confused at the man's reaction. The man lead them inside a room filled with screens. He directed their attention to the biggest one and with a click of a button the screen flashed to life.

_It started innocent enough, with Effie and Haymitch grabbing drinks from the cupboard and drinking the hell out of it like there's no tomorrow._

"I remembered that part." says Effie and Haymitch.

_After their drinking session, they headed to Effie's room. There were no cameras in the room, therefore no footage for that part. The man skipped the video for 30 minutes. The next scene involves Haymitch twirling out of the room while uttering "I'm pretty" phrases and a drunk Effie dragging her feet out of the room._

Haymitch furrowed his eyebrows and Effie stifled a laugh.

"I-I did that?" Haymitch asked shock.

"Well Mr. Abernathy, it is a video recording..." Effie smirked.

"hahaha, very funny princess, I can't wait to find out on how you became the She-devil." says Haymitch. Effie just scowled at him.

_The next scene involves the two treating the hallway as if it was a catwalk. They would strut their stuff and do sexy poses while singing to the song Barbie Girl by Aqua._

The man from the security personnel starts to laugh out loud. The two were already red with embarrassment when they glared at the man.

_After a while Peeta and Katniss walked inside the room then stared at the two in shock. Haymitch dragged Katniss inside Effie's room for a makeover. Effie then flirted Peeta-caressing him, hugging him, kissing his neck and other gross stuff that i really don't want to think about..._

"Oh my! What did I do to poor Peeta!." Effie exclaimed in shock. Haymitch laughed out loud. The man from the security personnel then walked towards Effie.

"Effie's a pedobear!" exclaimed Haymitch.

"Ummm I have always admired you from afar...So can I be your Peeta?" asked the man. Effie glared at him then slapped him across the face.

_The next scene includes the two teenagers escaping to the bathroom. Effie and Haymitch were then left alone. They looked at each other then proceeded to to- "do nasty"._

Haymitch and Effie watched the screen in shock with their mouths agape. They then gave worrying glances at each other.

"Never mind about being your Peeta. I want to be your Haymitch instead..." the man smirked at Effie. She then punched him so hard on the face that he became unconscious.

"Effie I-" Haymitch was unable to form words.

Effie nooded at him. "Yes I know, I got scared too."

* * *

After the shocking video reveal the two went back to their room. as soon as they opened the door they were greeted with a shocking scene. Katniss and Peeta are wearing Effie's clothes, wig and makeup while singing Sexy and I Know It and doing sexy poses.

"Hey Haymitch! You're looking smokin today. How about a threesome with me an Katniss?" Peeta batted his eyelashes flirtatiously. Haymitch tried not to gag.

"Oh Peeta, we should let Effie join in. Always so uptight and no fun, she needs to chillax!" Katniss stated.

"Uhhh no thanks... You three have fun now. I'm going out." stated Effie, who was both shocked and disgusted.

"NOOOOO! Effie don't leave me! After all we've been through... What about last night!" exclaimed Haymitch.

"That is precisely what I'm trying to forget... I need to stay away from those two for a while, notably Peeta." she shudders.

"C'mon princess. I need to forget too!" Haymitch begged.

"Fine, let's go. I know this good hotel. We can stay there for a while. They also have a bar. I know you'll like that."

"Yeah, Now you're talking!"

"Hey wait! Where are you two going. I thought we're going to party..." Peeta said disapointingly.

"Bye Freaks!" said Haymitch before closing the door shut.

* * *

_That night, in the room next to Hayffie's in the hotel..._

A little girl and her family was staying in there for a while. She was awoken by a strange noise coming from the other room. She woke her mother up.

"Mommy, I hear noises... What's that? I'm scared"

Her mother listened on the sound. Her eyes grew into the size of dinner plates when she realized the origin of the noise.

"Oh that. T-those a-are just cats sweetheart. T-They're just playing on the rooftop. G-go back to sleep..."

"But it's scawy and it came from the other room. Can we go check?" she asked.

"Heavens NO!"

* * *

**Another weird crackfic... I have another idea for a Hunger Games parody but I don't know if I should make it as absurd as the last 2. I would also like to inform you that I actually abhor the Effie/Peeta pairing. I don't even know why I wrote that down. It just gives me the heebie-jeebies *shudders* **


End file.
